If you’re in the Ivy League, be afraid; a new study has found that highly intelligent students have a greater risk of developing an alcohol abuse problem than their intellectually inferior [READ: brainless] peers.

According to Times UK, British researchers have found a loose connection between a “high childhood IQ and an adult enthusiasm for alcohol” that, more often than not, manifests itself whilst at college.

Who would’ve thought living in an environment rife with partying would awaken one’s latent desires for alcohol? I, for one, am completely shocked—and appalled.

The Times UK explains why women, in particular, should be concerned:

This association is even stronger among women than among men. Research by Dr G. David Batty and colleagues at the University of Glasgow, published in the American Journal of Public Health, compared the mental ability scores of 8,170 British boys and girls at the age of 10 with their alcohol intake and any alcohol problems when they were 30.

Whereas most of the clever children grew up to drink as most people do, reasonably and moderately, the likelihood of developing a drinking problem if one were unusually bright increased 1.38 times in women and 1.17 times in men.

Personally, I blame men for this increased risk. After all, they’re the ones who buy drinks for girls at bars in a thinly veiled attempt at getting into their pants.

That said, don’t stop, guys. The economy is in the toilet, and we appreciate the helping hand.