The All-Athlete Obama Cabinet

It’s no secret that Obama is a sports lover. He even has a former Duke basketball player as a body man to keep him in shape and he scrimmaged with the UNC team on the campaign trail. Clearly he likes to have athletes around. In fact, if it were up to Obama, the entire government would be filled with sports superstars. To indulge our new president, OTR took the liberty of sifting through athlete resumes to create Obama’s Dream Team Cabinet (And Other Important Government Positions, Too):

Lance Armstrong – Secretary of Energy: Armstrong could be Energy Secretary in an Obama cabinet since he could probably provide power for the entire country with his thighs and three yellow bracelets.

David Beckham - Secretary of State: The best way to work with other countries is to lay on the charm, and charm is something Beckham has in large supply. Plus, as a native Britain and an actual passport holder, he already has more foreign policy experience than Palin.

Nicklas Lidstrom – Secretary of Defense: Red Wings defenseman Nick Lidstrom has won the Norris Trophy six times out of the last seven seasons, so he knows a thing or two about defense. He’d figure out a way to shutout the terrorists and with 212 goals, knows how to be on offense when the need arises.

Tiger Woods -- Secretary of the Treasury: Considering Tiger Woods is on-track to become the first billionaire athlete in the world (sorry, Michael Jordan), he must know a thing or two about effectively managing one’s finances. At Obama’s side, he’ll either fix our ailing economy through progressive economic policies or with his own fortune.

Kobe Bryant -- Attorney General: As one of the two team captains, Kobe Bryant helped lead the Redeem Team to victory at the Beijing Olympics. Coupled with his own experiences with the law (rape case, anyone?), Bryant’s capacity to lead/advise would allow him to effectively govern as Obama’s chief law enforcement officer.

Michael Phelps - Secretary of Transportation: Everyone knows Michael Phelps is fast, real fast. Just imagine what he will do to speed up our transportation: trains will run on time, there will be no more delays at airports and traffic will be a thing of the past.

Jake Long – Secretary of Homeland Security: If you were a terrorist, the minute Dolphins offensive lineman Jake Long walked through the door you would immediately confess everything you’ve ever done. What better way to ensure the safety of our country than with 315 pounds of pure anti-terror?

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders – UN Ambassadors: The Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad would make a great set of UN ambassadors since cheerleaders are… cheerful.