When it comes to frat parties, a good theme is everything. If the theme is right, the girls will get drunk, naked and you'll have more ass than you know what to do with. If the party theme is lame, it'll be a sad sausage-fest that won't do anything to break your involuntary celibate streak. So, without further ado, here are the Top 5 frat party themes that are most likely to culminate in you and your brothers getting laid:

5.) 80s Party. There's just something about hearing Journey pumped through frat house speakers that make the ladies lose their inhibitions. Pick a girl and make your move before people start blowing lines off the back of the toilet (cocaine is tres 80s), but after the DJ plays Talk Dirty To Me.

4.) Toga Party. It's been a few years since I've seen Animal House, but I'm pretty sure that all of the guys got laid at the end. Why? Because of the sweet toga party! The key to a good toga party is crowd control...the Romans may have liked their women a little thick back in the day, but that doesn't mean you have to let in every heifer with a bed sheet wrapped her ample body.

The beautiful thing about toga parties is that everyone is basically naked already. At the very least, you're sure to scope tons of boobage. And what kind of frat boy doesn't like boobage? As an added bonus, you're already wearing clean sheets, so she can't use your filthy bed as an excuse for not getting busy.

3.) A Luau.Luaus are great, especially when they're executed properly. Again, crowd control is key...nobody wants to see fat chicks in tiny bikinis prancing around the pool. Hand out coconut bikini tops and grass skirts, and offer liquor to any girl who wears them (and only them).

If you're feeling particularly devious, make sure to run out of beer a little more than halfway through the party. That way, women will be forced to wear the coconuts and grass skirts to take advantage of free boozing. (Remember when your econ professor told you that there's no such thing as a free lunch? It's time the ladies learn that lesson, first hand!)

2.) Tart and Vicar Party. Loosely translated, tart and vicar means "prostitute and priest". When women show up to your party dressed as whores, it'll be easy for them to get into the spirit of skankiness. When that happens, you win! Halfway through the party, cut off the music. Have one of the brothers jump on a stage, hold up a $20 bill (autographed by all of the frat brothers, this is what makes it special. It's not just a $20 bill, it's an autographed $20 bill!) and ask the girls what they'd do for it. Then, watch them all compete to see who can be the biggest slut!

In the past, I have witnessed girls do the following for an autographed $20 bill:

• Run around the frat house totally naked
• Hook up with other girls (they tore the $20 in half to make sure they each got their fair share)
• Offer sexual favors (which may or may not be illegal, depending on which state your college is in)

This is where you need to pay careful attention....the girls who try to compete for the $20 are the ones you're most likely to have success with at the end of the night. This competition is where the cream really rises to the top, making it easy for you to skim. Or something. (Admittedly, that was a bad analogy...but I'm too lazy to come up with something better.)

1.) A 2-Piece Party. You may be asking yourself, "Brother Max Power, what the hell is a 2-piece party? And why are you so goddamn handsome?". Allow me to take you to school:

A 2-piece party is a shindig where everyone (including you) is only allowed to wear two pieces of clothing. Those of you who are adventurous may choose to wear socks. Others may opt for a pair of boxers and a Hugh Hefner-style robe. Shoes don't count towards the count, because really...would you EVER let anyone walk around barefoot on your frat house floor?

Obviously, the benefits to this kind of party are nearly endless. The key is to bill this party as the most exclusive of the year, really hype the shit up. This isn't the kind of party you want to half ass, because nobody will end up following the Rule of Two. Make it invite only, which will keep the fatties at bay, and clearly post the Rule of Two at the entrance. Have a couple of pledges operate a coat check (except for coats, they'll be checking pants, shirts and hopefully a bra or two).

Women with great bodies but ugly faces are allowed to wear three items, the third being a paper bag to put over their heads. (Seriously, have some paper bags handy.)

Also, don't skimp on the beer. If you normally go for a kegger of PBR, spring for Miller Lite. Offer free Jello shots (topped with whipped cream, of course), and have plenty of booze available for the ladies who only drink the hard stuff.

By the end of the night, you should be swimming in mostly naked women. What kind of party is better than that? None.