Question of the week: Is Bonnaroo just SXSW for uncool people? Chew on that one while I go over the can't-miss and must-miss sets of this year's festival:

THURSDAY CAN'T MISS:

Battles, This Tent, 10-11 PM: Neo-math rockers put out one of the best albums of last year, and put on a pretty impressive live show. A bit of a downer on an indie-heavy opening night, but who the hell else are you gonna see? The Felice Brothers?  

Darkstar Orchestra, The Other Tent, 11:45 PM-1:45 AM: There was a time during the uneasy days of the Warren Haynes-led Dead--the days when Phil wanted to jam, Bobby wanted to rock, and Warren wanted to feed his I'm-Jerry-Garcia rockstar fantasy--that Darkstar basically turned into the Dead for a lot fans. Of course they're a mere simulacrum of the real thing. But the real thing died decades ago, so what're you gonna do? 

THURSDAY MUST MISS:

Vampire Weekend, This Tent, 11:30-12:45: About a year ago I saw VW play in front of about 30 people in the basement of a building at Barnard that isn't even standing anymore. I wasn't so impressed with them then, and I'm less impressed with them now that they've put out one of the most overrated albums of the decade. In the jam vs. indie debate I usually tend towards indie, but for the love of God go see Darkstar instead.

FRIDAY MUST SEE:

The Fiery Furnaces, That Tent, 1:15-2:15: The Furnaces have put out five excellent albums in seven years, which is insane. Great to see them potentially playing in front of 80,000 people.

Drive-By Truckers, Which Stage, 12:30-1:45: "Self-Destructive Zones" is one of the few protest songs of the Bush years that isn't vomit-inducingly self-important, and Brighter Than Creation's Dark is undoubtedly one of the strongest releases of '08. 

Bluegrass Allstarts,The Other Tent, 3:45-5:15: A surely awesome reunion of former Newgrass Revival members Bela Fleck, the Hendryx of the banjo, and Sam Busch, the Hendryx of the mandolin. In terms of pure musicianship this is the can't-miss set of the festival.

Chris Rock, What Stage, 7:45-8:45: Last summer, my best friend and I would smoke a ton of happy hookah on the Earl Hall lawn and then listen to the same Chris Rock routine a good 3 or 4 times before stumbling into our philosophy class 15 or so minutes late. To see this reenacted in real life--without the Earl Hall lawn, my best friend, or philosophy class--will be pretty overwhelming.

Metallica, What Stage, 9:00-11:30: And speaking of overwhelming, it's f*ckin' Metallica, a band that I love with no irony whatsoever. 

FRIDAY MUST MISS:

Steven Marley, What Stage, 2:45-4:00: Really, how the hell did he get to play the main stage?

State Radio, The Other Tent, 5:45-7:15: A washed-up rehash of one of the most irritating bands in the recent history of music. If Dispatch were playing I'd tell you to skip their poorly-imitated folk revival rock. But since it's State Radio, I'm telling you to skip a band that wallows in the reflected glory of a band that specialized in poorly-imitated folk revival rock.
 
SATURDAY MUST SEE:

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, Which Stage, 2:00-3:15: My God does Sharon Jones have a big voice. And her backing band played behind Amy Winehouse on Back to Black.

BB King, What Stage, 5:30-7:00: I've been to a lot of concerts in my time, and all of them pale in comparison to a BB King show I saw back in 2006. The man can sweet-talk a crowd in a way that few other performers can. And in spite of being about a million years old, he can still play the hell out of Lucille.

Levon Helm, The Other Tent, 6:30-8:30: The Band was awesome, but Helm's Dirt Farmer could be better than anything they ever recorded. Helm's descent into obscurity, recovery from throat cancer and re-ascendancy to the top of the country rock scene is one of the most incredible music-related stories of the past few years, if not of all time.

Kanye West, What Stage, 2:45-4:15: Originally scheduled at the same time as Jack Johnson, moved a couple of days ago to late night, where he's scheduled at the same time as Phil Lesh. Will be pretty sick if he brings his gospel choir and string section.

FRIDAY MUST MISS:

Against Me!, That Tent, 2:15-3:30: And while I'm on the topic of vomit-inducingly self-important protest songs, it's Against Me!, who are nothing if not vomit-inducing and self-important.

Iron and Wine, This Tent, 6:30-8:00: Too cutesy, too quiet, too boring. And playing at the same time as Levon Helm.

Ben Folds, Which Stage, 6:15-7:45: I love "Bitches Ain't Shit" as much as the next guy, but I don't love Ben Folds' mostly-derivative catalogue of all-too-precious piano rock.

SUNDAY MUST SEE:

Orchestra Baobab, 2:45-4:00, Which Stage: Influential Afropop group for everyone tired of hearing country-infused jam music. Which you will be by this point. Trust me.

Yonder Mountain String Band, What Stage, 3:45-5:15: But if you're not sick of country-infused jam music, Yonder does it better than any other band out there. 

Derek Trucks, That Tent, 8:00-9:30: Go on the better than off-chance that Robert Randolph shows up for a slide/pedal steel jam for the ages.


SUNDAY MUST MISS:

OAR, Which Stage, 4:45-6:15: A mediocre jam band that turned into an even more mediocre emocore band just in time to turn back into a mediocre jam band. Bleh.

I'll be covering the festival for an I-initialed music rag in Brooklyn (points if you can figure out which one), but if you aren't gonna be on a press-related drug odyssey this weekend might I recommend:

A Sunny Day in Glasgow, Friday night, Whitney Museum, FREE: The accomplished brother-sister synth duo's "5:15 Train" is one of the most complicated and innovative pop songs of the past few years--one of those songs that you can listen to a couple hundred times and still not be anywhere close to sick of it. Since this show is part of the Whitney's "Music Without Words" series I doubt they're gonna play it, but hey, maybe if you nag hard enough...