My tour of the Dirty East is supposed to formally in Sapporo. Unfortunately, no one wants to go there and I must fly through Tokyo in order to reach the promised land of Asian beer (in all fairness, it still all tastes like piss). Still, Narita was not a complete waste of time.

You knows those luggage carts they let you push around but when you have to go up or down a floor you are completely f***ed and have to carry your luggage yourself? Yeah, the Japanese have figured out how to make their carts go up and down escalators. I kid you not, it is the most goddamn amazing thing in the world. Bravo Japanese, if you could now only learn to cook your food.

Food 5/10
It’s still an airport. No one cooks anything.

Sexiness 4/10
The only woman who spoke English was also an amputee. Nothing against amputees, but they just no longer do it for me.

Coolness 10/10
CARTS ON ESCALATORS FTW!!!!!!111

Overall 6/10
The escalator thing is pretty cool, but Japan is known for underage sex and crazy robots, neither of which I could find at Narita.